


A New Life

by actual_demon_txt



Category: Youtube RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, New Family, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28393020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actual_demon_txt/pseuds/actual_demon_txt
Summary: You (the reader) are an abandoned orphan who struggles a lot with mental health. One day you are asked to show a visitor around your school. That visitor will be the greatest change in your life for things to get better.Basically just a vent fic for me to get help from some youtubers that have really aided me.
Relationships: Marzia Bisognin/Felix Kjellberg, Sean McLoughlin/Original Female Character(s), Sean McLoughlin/You, Sean McLoughlin/You (Maybe)
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first time posting, so tips are appreciated!

I woke up to the sound of my alarm blaring. It was 6am. I sighed as I rubbed my eyes tiredly, Another day of lonely misery. Man, I just absolutely love school! Maybe I would enjoy life more if I actually had someone who cared for me, but with no family, and no friends, that plan went out the door long ago. I laughed sadly, and carried out my morning routine. I got dressed, totally didn’t skip breakfast, brush my teeth, do my hair, take my morning medication, and then relax for a bit before setting my house alarm, locking the door, and finally leaving for school.

As usual, the walk was uneventful, and I wished for something, anything to happen, just to bring at least a little joy to my worthless life. Although my standards are always low, today I had hope, hope that that it will be different. 

I walked into my form room, it being empty as I was the first one here once again. Sitting down in my designated seat, I took out my phone to distract me until my form tutor came in. About 7 minutes later, he arrived. We greeted each other as usual, but then he asked me a favour. “We have a guest today, and since you’re the first person in, I wondering if you’d be able to show him around the school?” Sure, anyway to avoid classes and interaction between people my own age, I was up for. 

Of course I answered yes, and he sent me over to the office where I was told the guest should be waiting. But I stopped short when I saw the guest, and realised exactly what I was doing. He was talking to our head teacher, Mr Hogan, and hearing the doors open, he turned his head towards me in confusion, before brightening in realisation at the sight of my note. He strode over to me. “Ah, you must be Y/N! Mr Jones told me that you will be showing our guest Mr Kjellberg around the school premises, correct?” 

Trying to swallow my anxiety, I replied in what I thought was a steady voice. “Yes sir, that’s me.” Although it wavered a bit, the two men looked convinced. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to it.” He left the office quickly. I turned to our guest, and beckoned him to follow me out, and into the rest of the school. I do not do well with new people, why did I think this was a good idea!?

I looked up at him with the best smile I could muster. “Hello, I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you, sir! I hope you like our school just as much as I do.” 

He seemed a little sad at my face, he could probably see how fake my smile was. I need to practice that. “You can call me Felix, and it’s nice to meet you too.” He gave a warm smile that I couldn’t help but give a true smile back. He looked pleased after that. 

As I was showing him around, we chatted amiably about the school and what it was like to be there. Obviously I couldn’t give a bad review when it was going to get back to the head teacher. Overall, he seemed to be warming up to me.

But when it came to break time, I knew all of that would go down the drain. We were set to sit in the cafeteria with the other students, to give ‘authenticity’. Immediately, everyone seemed to want everything to do with him, and crowded around our table. Except, as soon as they saw me next to him, they all started yelling at me to move away, and were hurling insults like no tomorrow. Felix looked shocked, and looked towards me. I took that as my cue to leave, he knows now how worthless I am. I got up and left. I walked over to the empty benches atop the hill. This has always been my favourite place in the school, because no ones ever here, it’s quite secluded, and no one can see me cry. 

The tears slip down my cheeks, and curl up into myself, hugging my knees. Things were going so well. I knew I shouldn’t have had my hopes up. I knew I think was going to be like this, yet I still tried. “You idiot, Y/N! You don’t deserve care, you know that!” I cried angrily to myself. 

My eyes that I hadn’t even realised I had screwed shut, shot open when a hand gently held my shoulder. I looked up to see Felix smiling sadly at me. “I knew something was up the moment I saw the way you smiled.” 

“Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be with the other students?” my voice came out raspy, and tight from the crying, and I wiped my red blotchy eyes. 

“I told them all to fuck off,” he said with such a serious straight face, and I almost thought he had, before his face broke into a grin and he started laughing. “OK, I didn’t, I just told them I had to get to a meeting. They were all horrible people anyway, after the way they treated you.” 

I laughed with him for a bit, before I looked down again. “I deserved it anyway.” I whispered to myself. 

“What did you say?” Felix’s voice had an edge of something I couldn’t put my tongue on. 

“It’s nothing,” I laughed a bit again, before standing up. “We should probably conti-“ I was cut off by Felix abruptly moving in front of me. 

“No one deserves that kind of abuse. Why the hell do you think you’re an exception!? Do your parents know about this?” he looked so upset, I felt terrible. 

“I don’t have any.” 

“What...?” 

“I have no parents.” 

“Are they...?” he didn’t even have to finish his sentence, I knew what he was implying. 

“Yes. They’re dead. And so is the rest of my family, or at least- they are to me.” I said it with no expression in my face or my voice. My eyes were dull. 

“Oh my God... I- I don’t know what to say... I’m so sorry.” He looked down, a pained expression on his face. It stayed quiet for a while, until he looked back at me. “Do you... Have a place to stay?” 

“Yeah, still got my house. Though it’s a bit lonely at times, it’s home.” My voice was filled with wistful nostalgia.

Suddenly, I was embraced in a tight hug. I was shocked at first, but hugged desperately back. The tears I didn’t realise I had been holding back, we’re set off like Niagara Falls, and I sobbed hard into his shoulder. I held on as if I were to let go, I would lose this comfort and safety. 

But it was over too soon, before I knew it, the bell had gone, and he slowly released me. I wiped my eyes. “Th-thank you...” Suddenly I started to cough harshly, and Felix hit my back a little too hard, causing me throw up a little. There was silence for a second before I burst out laughing, he joined suit. “What a way to end that, heh heh.” 

“Yeah, heh.” He grinned down at me, until he realised something. He reached down into his pocket, and pulled out what I assumed was his phone. It was black, slick, and looked very new. “You have a phone, right? Give me your number, that way if you ever need help, you can hit me up.” After he finished setting up where to put the number into, he passed it over to me. I quickly typed in my number, and handed it back to him. Although not before changing my name to something else. Once he say it, he chuckled. “ ‘That weird school kid’? What?” 

I laughed too. “That way, you’ll know it’s me.” I replied smiling. However, both our smiles fell once we heard the late Bell sound. “I take it that’s your cue to leave? You’re not here for the whole day, are you?” 

He nodded sadly. “Yeah. But now you can text me whenever you like, and we can always meet up too, ok?” he asked. “Wait, no you can’t, because you don’t have my number yet.” After this point was realised, he texted my phone a ‘hi’ and I added him as a contact. He looked over at the name. ‘Felix’ “Aw come on, you can’t think of anything more creative than just ‘Felix’?” 

“Not particularly, plus, you’ve not done anything particularly outstanding either.” I said jokingly. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later. Have a safe trip home.” I held out my hand for a handshake, but I was surprised when he pulled me in for a hug. “Hey, we’re both going to get into trouble if anyone sees us like this. They’re gonna make assumptions.” 

He slowly let go. “I guess I’ll be going now,” he sighed. “So what lesson do you have now?” 

“Art,” I replied. “But screw that. Imma just skip and stay here. I’d rather not have to deal with horrible school children, heh.” We both grinned. After a quick wave goodbye, he left. 

This... was not what I was expecting for today. But it turned out so much better than I ever could have imagined.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Marzia!

My eyes fluttered open. Midday, slept in again. Memories of yesterday flooded back to me, and I grabbed my phone to check if the number is still there. His name shined brightly on my screen, showcasing the number underneath. It was still there. It wasn’t a dream. 

I exhaled in relief. However, my breath caught again when my phone started ringing. I answered quickly, and shakily put it up to my ear. “H-hello?” I stuttered. 

“Hey! It’s Felix, what’s up?” His energetic voice brought me back out of my stupor. 

“Oh, Heya Felix. Not much, what about you?” I asked back. Even if I’m pretty sure it’s out of pity, I’m just happy that he even called, or remembered me. 

He laughed a little. “Same here,” he paused a second. “You just woke up, didn’t you?” he laughed more at my silence. “I could tell from your voice, heh heh.” After he finished laughing, he spoke up again. “I actually wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out today, you free?” 

Of course I am. “Yeah, sure. What did you wanna do?” 

“I was wondering if you wanted to meet my girlfriend, Marzia? I was talking about you yesterday to her, and she really wanted to meet you for herself,” he said happily, until he seemed to remember something. “I mean, if you’re ok with meeting her. I can tell her you’d rather another time?”  
“That’s really sweet of you, Felix. But I think that’s ok. I’d love to meet her! I’ll just probably be really shy, eh heh...” That’s so kind of him. “Anything that I should know about her beforehand?”

“Hm...” he thought for a but. “She’s Italian, and she does makeup videos on YouTube, there’s isn’t really much else.” 

“Oh, I’m Italian! Maybe I could speak to her in Italian? Do you think she’d find that disrespectful?” I questioned more to myself than I was to Felix. 

“Of course you could, she’d love it!” he sounded really excited now. “When should I come pick you up? Oh, and where abouts do you live?” 

“Erm, you can just pick me up at the park near the school in about half an hour. I just need to get ready. I’ll see you soon though!” I waited a little bit for his confirmation, before quickly hanging up. 

Now to get ready. I walked over to my wardrobe, and pulled it open. Most of my clothes were a bit small for me, and I since I didn’t really go out much, other than to buy groceries and basic human hygiene products, and I don’t have a lot of money, I don’t have much ‘new’ clothes. 

I found a pair of black leggings, and an oversized grey hoodie that might pass off as ‘very loved’. Luckily, they were clean, as I washed a couple days ago. I slipped them on, and put on a pair of old trainers, grabbed a bag for my phone, and headed off. 

I figured I should get there early, as it beats being late, but as I walked into the park, it seemed Felix had the same idea. We both caught each others eyes, and walked over. “You’re early!” we both said at the same time. Laughing, Felix led me over to his car, and we both got in. 

After buckling in, he started the engine, pulled out of his parking space, and down the road. “So, where we heading?” I questioned. 

“Back to mine if that’s ok? That’s where Marzia and the pugs are.” He replied without taking his eyes off the road. 

“Wait pugs?? You didn’t tell me you had pugs! How many? And what are their names?” I immediately started to get excited. I’ll make the most of meeting these pups, for her. 

Felix laughed. “There’s two little shits. Edgar and Maya.” Although his wording was insulting, his voice was fond as he spoke. He must really love them. I awed. 

The rest of the journey was filled with similar conversation, just getting to know each other better, until we finally reached our destination. We both hopped out, and I looked up at his house. I gasped. It was huge, how much money does this guy have? “Woah... that’s a big house you got there Felix.” 

He chuckled at that. “Thank you, but it’s not that great. Come on in,” he unlocked the front door. “Marzia! Come meet my friend, and bring the pugs!” I peeked insides to see a beautiful woman, who I assumed was Marzia, holding two pugs, walking into view. 

She smiled kindly at me. “C-ciao, mi chiama Y/N.” I internally cursed my stutter once again. She seemed very surprised by my Italian, but she smiled once again before speaking. 

“Ciao! Piacere di conoscerla Y/N. Come stai?” she asked warmly. 

“Aha, motto apprensiva.” I laughed a little awkwardly. She laughed as well. 

“As much as I am loving not understanding what you’re both saying, I’m not. Let’s have some food.” Felix looked over at me. “And I’m going to assume you haven’t had anything to eat today?” I grinned sheepishly up at him. “Well then, let’s go eat. 

They guided me into another room, and we all sat down at a table, where a big pot of spaghetti was sat in the middle. There was already plates and cutlery set out . “Help yourself, I hope you like it.” Marzia encouraged. 

“Marzia makes the best pasta. No matter what kind, it can’t be beat!” Felix praised lovingly, and I couldn’t help but smile. Marzia looked embarrassed but proud.

“Thank you.” She chuckled happily. 

We all continued to chat and laugh, having small talk, and just genuinely enjoying each others company. Although at some point I brought up Marzia’s youtube channel. “So, on the way here, Felix mentioned you have a youtube channel. How is it?” 

Marzia looked quizzically over at Felix, before answering. “Yeah, it’s called CutiePieMarzia, and it’s super fun. I’m fairly popular, although not nearly as popular as Felix is.” I turned towards the man in question, looking confused. 

“You never told me you had a youtube channel.” He looked a bit guilty for a second before I piped up once more. “Is that why everyone was crowding around you?” he nodded. “What’s your channel name?” 

“Pewdiepie.” He answered quietly. My eyes widened. The Pewdiepie? As in, the most subscribed channel in the world?? “I was actually really surprised you didn’t recognise me. I mean, I’m not complaining, it was nice to befriend someone who liked me for me. You know, not just because of my youtube channel.” He admitted. 

“I’ve heard about you before, a lot of people at school would talk about you. But I’d never seen you or any of your videos before, because I have no Wi-Fi at my house.” I spoke the last part ashamed. I didn’t want to have to burden them with more of my problems. They both looked like they felt bad for me though. “But this certainly makes more sense now.” 

Felix looked a bit awkward as he stared to speak. “You... you don’t think of me any differently now, right?” 

“Of course not! You’ve both been nothing but nice to me, and I hope that me knowing now won’t change anything either?” His face broke into a relieved grin. 

He shook his head. “Nah. Friends?” he held out his fist. 

I grinned back. “Friends.” I fist bumped him. And just like that, the tension in the room wore off, and we continued chatting until I had to get back home. This time Marzia came in the car too, sitting in the front next to Felix, and brought the pugs for me to play with in the back seat. I got them to drop me off at the park again, and waved to them as they drove away. 

Once I got back in the house, I smiled. Today was a good day. Maybe things would be looking up now? But I was ruined of my happiness high, by dark thoughts. ‘They’re only nice to you because they feel bad for you.’ ‘It should have been you who died instead’ ‘Why are you burdening them? Forcing them to care?’ ‘You’d be better off dead.’ I unconsciously scratched my arm, but stopped when I noticed. I walked to the kitchen to grab a knife to relieve myself. “Just once more.” I told myself. Stupidly believing it, but it helps, even if for a little while


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finish school and Felix and Marzia want to celebrate! You meet 2 more new friends, Mark and Jack!

As days went by, I would be at Felix and Marzia’s house often after school, and on weekends, until it became everyday. Months passed. I practiced my Italian with Marzia, played video games with Felix, and he sometimes taught me some Swedish. In the time we had spent together, we were all quite close. 

I was having so much fun, but the soft static in my mind wouldn’t go away. But being with people who cared about me would help. It was good to vent every now and again about school, and even though I was almost finished with it (I am in my final year, year 11, making me 18 on November 17th), it still sucked. And I wished it to just be over already. 

Both of them were quite sympathetic, and helped to cheer me up. And before I knew it, a whole year had passed since I had met Felix and Marzia. I can’t believe it. I was finally out of school. Finally free. 

Felix and Marzia want to celebrate, by having a small get together party. They want to introduce me to some of their other friends, and I’m feeling both excited and nervous. These were new people I was going to be meeting, and I have no idea how to act. These people were also dear to my gracious hosts, I can’t screw this up, or they’ll hate me. 

I looked in my lacking wardrobe. I had to be at the park in half an hour to meet Felix, and I still had no idea what to wear. This is a special occasion, I have to look nice. But my few clothes made that slightly hard to do. I also didn’t know just how dressed up I should be. 

In the end, I just decided on a pair of black leggings with fake ‘diamonds’ lining the sides, a black off the shoulder top which I covered up with a black and gold bomber jacket, paired with some old flats. Though they were old and slightly small, it wasn’t noticeable, and it was good enough. I grabbed my bag and phone, and headed over to the park. 

Once we found each other, we both entered the car, and drove off to his house. Fortunately the guests hadn’t arrived yet, so I had a little more time to prepare for them. Marzia came and greeted me warmly, and asked if I was hungry. I replied “Not at the moment, but thank you.” In all honesty, with my nerves going haywire, I felt more like I was going to be sick. 

I quickly excused myself to the toilet, and closed the door behind me. I sat down on the cold, tile floor, and curled in on myself. I unconsciously started to tap the ceramic ground, until I heard the doorbell ring, and Felix go and answer it. There was sounds of “Long time no see!” and other happy hello’s. At some point I’m sure I heard my name mentioned, but I really don’t think I can go down there right now. 

I started to rock back and forth slowly, and my breathing quickened. Tears started to silently fall down my cheeks. Right now, I couldn’t stop, and I started to scratch my arms as I hyperventilated. The sound of three knocks on the bathroom door did nothing to aid my panic, and I scratched harder through the material of my jacket. 

I realised I couldn’t even see anymore, and I almost didn’t register the door opening, and someone grab my hand. The sound of static filled my ears, and I held onto the person tightly, as if they were my only hope to help me. I heard others people talking, and the static increased, almost deafening me. They’re criticising me, they hate me. 

A voice yelled at me. “Hey. Hey! It’s ok, you’re safe. Look, tell me, what do you see? Tell me 3 things you see.” I looked around, my eyes blurred. 

“I-I see... Lots of people... And green...” I spoke coarsely. The mysterious voice seemed to think this was good, because they squeezed my hand in support, encouraging me to carry on. “I think I see... Felix.” I tried to focus on the silhouette in the doorway. The figure waved, and my eyes became a bit sharper, and I managed to make out his face. “Yeah... I see Felix.” 

“Good, now what do you hear?” the voice asked. 

I stayed silent, listening attentively. “I hear breathing, and someone tapping something.” Luckily I had stopped stuttering, and my tears started to slow down, but my breathing was still a bit uneven. 

My current saviour rubbed my palm comfortingly, before they spoke once more. “Now, what do you feel?” 

I stilled, and suddenly, everything flooded back. “Everything’s so cold, but your hands are warm.” I blinked my eyes. “my face burns too.” I blinked more, and my surroundings came back into view. Felix stood just in front of me, looking worried to death, and some other people stood behind them, one of them being Marzia. 

I looked down at my hand, and found that it was me who was tapping the floor. I then turned to my side to see the person who helped me. Green hair, and sapphire blue, kind eyes, stared at my worriedly. “How are you feeling now?” I just then took note of the Irish accent. 

I blushed when I realised our hands were still joined, and I slowly took mine back. “I... thank you. I’m feeling much better now.” He smiled relieved. Suddenly though, I was brought back into a tight hug from Felix and Marzia, both of them expressing their worry for me and gratitude to the man who calmed me down, who was apparently named Sean. 

I looked around more, and took notice of the other people standing in the doorway looking a bit awkward. ‘That’s because of you.’ ‘If only you had been a normal person, and just gone and met them, then you wouldn’t have been making them feel weird.’ ‘What a great first impression, you idiot. They probably think you’re a drama queen, and want to stay away from you know.’ I shook my head a little in an attempt to shoo away the voices. And surprisingly, it worked. 

It was silent for a bit, before Felix and Marzia both helped my up off the ground, and onto my feet. Marzia said something about me needing to freshen up a bit, and made everyone leave because they were crowding me. And then it was just me and her. She took a towel, dampened it, and started to dab my red, blotchy face. It was quiet, but it felt nice after what just happened. 

I expected her to question me about my episode, but it never came. She just washed my face softly, and then opened the door when she was done. “Come out when you’re ready. Everyone’s really excited to meet you, and no one hates you, ok?” She smiled reassuringly, and then left, keeping the door open. It was almost as if she read my mind. ‘Thank you, Marzia.’ I thought. 

I walked over to the mirror, and looked at myself. You could barely tell that I had just had a panic attack. I smiled. I exited the bathroom, and went back downstairs. I stood by the door out of sight for a second, breathing in and out, before finding my courage and walking in. Felix was the first to notice me, walking over to me, and putting his hand on my shoulder. “I’d like to introduce my good friend, Y/N. She’s just finished school, and we’re gonna celebrate like hell!” He yelled out energetically. 

A red haired man came up to me and introduced himself. “Hello, I’m Mark. It’s nice to meet you. You might know me from my youtube name ‘Markiplier’ though. He held his hand, and I reached out to shake it. His hands were soft, and he smiled kindly at me. 

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Mark.” I smiled back. Sean came up next. I held up my hand to him after letting go of Mark’s. He grasped it softly as well, but shook it a bit vigorously. 

“Hey there, how are you? I’m Sean by the way, it’s great to finally meet you. Felix has told me a lot about you.” 

I paled a little bit. “All good things, I hope?” I questioned carefully, but masked it with a good natured voice. 

“Of course. He wouldn’t shut up about how great and kind you are.” Mark piped up, laughing fondly. I exhaled in relief.   
“What, thought I was gonna bad mouth you, one of my best friends?” Felix said from behind me. I jumped, completely forgetting he was there. 

I laughed. “Of course not Fe, I know you wouldn’t do that.” I stopped however, when I realised what I had called him. I looked up at him, trying to gauge his reaction. 

“Fe? Where’d that come from?” he asked. 

“I-It’s just a nickname. I won’t call you that again though.” I could feel my face getting hotel by the second. 

“No no, I was just curious. I like it.” He grinned. I sighed. 

“Jaysus Felix, you’re worrying the poor girl.” Sean slapped Felix on the back playfully, before turning around to face everyone again. “But what are we doing here, let’s drink!” 

Marzia came into view with bottles of alcohol, and that’s when I knew we all going to get absolutely smashed. I was going to be 18 in a month, so technically I could drink. I mean, we aren’t at a bar, so it should be ok. I grinned. I had gotten drunk before, but that was in the comfort of my own home, because before my dad passed, he won a monthly delivery for life of assorted alcohol to the house. Since it was a different deliverer each time, the excuse that my parents were out continued to work, and I got free alcohol. 

I grabbed a shot glass, and poured myself a drink. I didn’t drink it right away though. I waited until everyone seemed settled, before Sean suggested we play a drinking game. “How about ‘Never have I ever’?” everyone seemed to think that was a good idea, and everyone poured themselves a shot, except Mark, who poured himself something else, but it was in a shot glass nonetheless. Felix elected to start. “Ok, I’m sure you all know the rules, say something you’ve never done, and if you’re not speaking and you’ve done that, you take a shot.” Everyone nodded. “Right. Never have I ever... died my hair green.” He looked slyly at Sean. 

“Hey! That’s not fair!” he still downed the shot though. I giggled. “Urgh... Never have I ever had the most subscribed channel on YouTube.” He grinned at Felix. The swede grinned back, and drank his drink. 

Mark laughed. “You guys...” he laughed some more. “Well, I’m going to set a good example for you two dumbass’s. Never have I ever been scared of the dark.” Felix, Sean and I took a shot. Mark looked at Marzia. “You were never scared of the dark, Marzia?” 

“No, I’ve always loved the dark. It just feels calming.” She answered back. “Although, I didn’t know that Felix is scared of the dark.” She grinned at the man in question. 

“Was scared of the dark.” He mock glared at his partner. “Just when I was a kid. I’m not now though.” We all started to laugh at how butthurt Felix looked. 

“Of course. We all believe you,” Marzia teased. “Ok, I have one. Never have I ever gone without showering for more than a week.” I tried to drink my shot without being noticed, but it seemed that Mark noticed. It also looks like I was the only one as well. 

Mark and Sean looked at me weirdly, and I tried to laugh it off. “Erm, I thought of one. Never have I ever had a youtube channel” No one moved for a second, then almost in unison, they all took a shot. “Oh, Sean, you have a youtube channel?” 

He nodded. “Yeah, It’s called Jacksepticeye. So my friends call me Jack.” I nodded in understanding. I’m pretty sure I heard Felix mention a Jack a few times before, and that he was a close friend. So this made a bit of sense. I made a mental note to make sure not to accidentally call him Jack in the future. I don’t think he’d appreciate me calling him that, when I’m not really a friend. 

The tension from earlier seemed to have disappeared, and the game continued. Laughs were shared, and once we decided to finish the game, we ended up just chatting. I tried not to drink too much during the whole ordeal, as I didn’t want to give away some more personal information by accident, but everyone else was very drunk, and very close to one another. 

At some point, it occurred to me that Felix can’t drive me back to the park, and I didn’t really have any other way to get home other then to just walk. So I gathered up my stuff, and went to the hall to put on my shoes. Suddenly a hand grabbed my shoulder. I turned around to see Sean staring intently, and confused at me. “Where are you going? Party’s not over yet. And it’s your party.” He questioned. 

“I need to get home, it’s getting a bit late, and Felix can’t drop me off.” I answered calmly. I saw Felix stumble around the corner, followed by Mark and Marzia.

“What, are your parents getting worried and wanting you back now?” I grimaced. Felix and Marzia sobered a bit up after that, Felix pulling Sean away, and Marzia suggesting I stay the night instead. 

Mark looked confused with the situation, and looked at Felix questioningly. Felix just shook his head, and motioned for him to follow him and Sean into the other room. 

“That’s ok, Marzia, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.” I’d feel bad taking up more of their space, and beforehand, I had found out that Mark and Sean were staying over for a while. 

Marzia disagreed with my statement though. “You wouldn’t be, we’d love to have you over. If you’re uncomfortable in those clothes, you can wear one of my oversized hoodies and shorts?” That actually did sound quite comfortable, but I was still uncertain. “We also have extra room, so don’t worry about that.” Marzia seemed to just understand me. I sighed, gave a crooked smile and agreed, thanking her as well. She grinned, and we both headed upstairs to change. 

Meanwhile, Sean was questioning Felix about the whole ordeal. “What was that all about? Did I do something wrong?” 

“Parents are a bit of a touchy subject with her.” Felix finally said. Sean looked guilty at that. “It’s ok Jack, you didn’t know. Just apologise and make her laugh. I’m sure she’s not even annoyed about it. In all the time I’ve known Y/N, I’ve never seen her angry.” 

“Thanks Felix.” They grinned somewhat crookedly at each other. “Erm, do you know why they’re a tough subject? She’s not being abused is she?” he started to look worried. 

“No no, but I can’t explain. It’s up to her to tell you, sorry.” Felix replied solemnly. 

“That’s ok.” The two men sat down next to Mark on the couch to wait for Marzia and I. 

A couple minutes later, Marzia came down into the room, and Felix asked where I was. “She’s quite exhausted from today, so she’s gone to sleep.” She looked at Sean. “Jack, you can talk to her tomorrow morning at breakfast. He nodded, determined. 

In the end, everyone decided to go to bed


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make ammends with the jackaboi

I was brought back to consciousness by a dim light making the room a soft golden colour. I looked around, noticing that I actually did stay at Fe and Marzia’s place last night. I stretched. I also took note that that was one of the best sleeps I’ve gotten in a while. 

After waking up a bit more, I got up, and decided to wander downstairs. As soon as I opened the door, I was hit with the smell of cooking pancakes, waffles and other breakfast treats. I smiled hungrily, my stomach growling. 

Although, when I stepped into the kitchen and saw who was cooking, it was certainly not who I was expecting. Sean stood with his back to me by the stove, making the pancakes. He hummed softly to himself as he danced around a little to his self made music. 

He looked so happy and peaceful, I couldn’t help but continue to stare. After he finished his current pancake, he turned around to put it on a plate with the others, but jumped when he saw me at the door. “Jaysus Y/N, you scared the livin’ shit outta me!” 

“Oh, sorry.” I apologised meekly. He sighed. 

“Hey, it’s ok.” We stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, before Sean looked determined. “I’m... sorry for yesterday. I didn’t know about the affects it would have on you. I hope you can forgive me, and we can still be friends?” He seemed really sincere. 

“Of course. I wasn’t really angry at you in the first place, it just brought up bad memories. I forgive you though, Sean.” I smiled reassuringly at him. 

“Then call me Jack.” He said.

“What?” 

“You’ve been calling me Sean since you met me, and I was worried you just didn’t like me. Call me Jack.” He explained for me. “Unless, you didn’t want to be friends?” the last past came out slightly shakily. 

My eyes widened. “I... yeah. I do want to be friends, Jack.” I smiled, to which he grinned back. 

“Nice, now that’s out of the way, let’s have some food!” We both jumped when Felix came into the kitchen. He laughed at our reactions. Jack and I looked at each other, before we started laughing. “What?” He asked suspiciously. 

“Felix man, you just don’t give a shit.” Jack laughed out his answer. “Here we were having a moment, and you came bursting in wanting food.” Felix started to laugh as well. 

“I mean, I still want food, so let’s eat!” Jack and I just laughed harder, but we started to bring the food out to the table where Marzia and Mark were sitting. Their faces lit up when they saw our cargo. 

Once we were all seated, we dug in. My eyes widened, holy shit these are good. It seemed that everyone else apart from Jack himself was having the same reaction as well. We all looked towards our amazing cook, and praised the fuck out of him. He started to go red and thanked us. After the compliments died down, he changed the subject to how I met Felix and Marzia. 

“Well, I was asked to go to her school for the beginning of the day because YouTube wanted me to get the insight of younger fans, and Y/N was appointed my guide. She was really helpful, and very amusing. She made the trip I was not looking forward to, enjoyable. She was cracking jokes the whole time, and just made the day more bearable.” He grinned at me, seeming to enjoy my embarrassment. “We just really hit it off, got each others contacts. Once I got home, I told Marzia about everything.” 

Marzia piped up. “I knew he was dreading that day, so when he came back in a good mood and smiling, I just had to meet this girl. I got Felix to invite her over the next day, and we all got to know each other more. We kept inviting her round until it just became natural.” 

“We always meet in the park, and then we come here to hang out everyday, although on occasion we all go out somewhere. And now it’s been a while year since we met her, and she’s finished schooling. I thought it would be a good idea to introduce you two to Y/N in a party to celebrate that.” Felix finished off. 

“Well I’m glad you did, now I’ve made an awesome new friend!” Jack grinned, and Mark nodded his head, smiling. 

“Even though you weren’t looking forward to coming to my school, I’m so glad you did, and I’m so glad I got to meet you all.” I smiled around the table at all my new friends. “Thank you.” 

Felix gushed, and Marzia thanked me instead, for making both of their lives more interesting and fun. Jack smiled warmly at me, and Mark showed his support by laughing heartily, and then followed it up with a ‘no u’. We all laughed at that. 

The day continued with me getting to know Jack and Mark better, and just hanging out with everyone. They recorded some videos of them playing games with each other, they asked if I wanted to be in them, but I opted out, saying I was going to play with the pugs. 

Edgar and Maya were as loving as ever, and I cuddled into them on the couch, just watching them have fun. Marzia was off doing her own video for her channel, but finished before the guys were, so she came and sat with me. We chatted quietly about different things, smiling and giggling when one of us said something funny. 

When the time for me to finally go came, Mark and Jack wanted my contact info, so they could chat to me. I didn’t have any social media, so I only had my phone number to give. They were fine with that though. We said our goodbyes, and Felix dropped me back off at the park. 

Just as I was about to walk away, Felix called me over again. “Hey, Y/N? It’s just occurred to me that I’ve never seen your house? How come?” he asked me curiously. 

I had been expecting this question for a while, so I had an answer prepared. “It’s always a bit messy with stuff I forget to clean up. When I get the energy to clean up, I’ll let you know.” I winked playfully at him, turned around and started walking away, putting hand up lazily as a goodbye. He called out a laughing “See you tomorrow!” before I heard him drive off. 

I let my smile fall. Hopefully he’ll let the house thing go, because I am not letting them come to the shit hole of a house I live in. They’d just feel even worse for me. I don’t need their worry. 

The walk back to my house was peaceful and quiet, just what I needed to help my active mind. I unlocked my front door, and stepped in, turning my alarm off, and then closing and locking the door behind me. The whole place stunk of filth. I grimaced. 

My stomach grumbled. I walked into the kitchen, and looked at my minimal food supply. I really need to go grocery shopping again, don’t I? I grabbed a brown banana from the fridge, a cup and some ice. “What a fucking wonderful dinner this is.” I said sarcastically to myself. I ate the banana quickly, and chewed on the ice. Ice, for me, was a normal thing to have at meals, because even it’s just frozen water, it’s crunchy, and almost feels like real food. 

After my healthy meal, I went into my room to grab an old book to reread, pointedly ignoring the noose attached to my ceiling, and then went into the loft where the window to the roof was. I opened it up, climbed on top and got comfy. I brought a blanket as well, and looked into the darkening sky. The stars were just making themselves known to the world, and it looked beautiful. I’ve always thought that humans take the sky for granted. I just admired the gorgeousness of the world, before I started to read.   
It was about 2am when I finished the book, and decided to go to bed. I hopped back through the window into the loft, and collapsed onto the bed there. It was where I had been sleeping for a while. With the help of sleeping pills, I fell asleep fairly quickly, and dreamt of my new friends


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go grocery shopping
> 
> TW for sexual assault

After that day, time flew by. I found out that Jack lives in Brighton as well, but Mark lives in LA, so he came over to visit, and is staying with Felix and Marzia for a while. 

I also found out that they’re both complete workaholics, and Fe convinced them to take a break. The two of them are already ahead 3 months in schedule, but they keep working, and though it doesn’t ‘show’, it’s taking a bit of a toll on them. So here they are. 

Today, Felix and Marzia said that they’d have to cancel today’s hangout, as they were going away for a couple days, and Jack and Mark were off visiting people, so I decided I was going to do some mandatory shopping for food and other things. 

I retrieved some big, reusable bags I had accumulated over the years, packed my phone and money into one of them, and set off on my quest for food. The walk there was short and uneventful, but nonetheless tiring, although I was lucky to have such a large variety of shops close by in walking distance. 

Once I got inside, I grabbed myself a cart, took out my phone, and pulled up my shopping list in my notes. First thing on it is ready meals. Mac and cheese is great for when I’m running out of stock, but usually I just make spaghetti. Speaking of which, I need to get more of. 

As I was searching the different isles for my needed items, putting them in as I go, keeping track of how much it all will be costing, I thought about how nice Felix, Marzia, Mark and Jack have been to me, and that I have done literally nothing to make it up to them, or show my gratitude. “What could I do...” I mumbled silently to myself. I could back them cookies? Hmm, no, I don’t have the money to buy the necessary ingredients. How about a cake? Ingredients dumbass. I sighed. 

I passed through the baking isle, when I suddenly did a double take. The just add water cake base! I looked at the price. My eyes widened. It’s a bit of a push, but it’s for friends. I quickly put it in my trolly before I changed my mind. 

Once I finally got all my needed items, I went over to the checkouts. There weren’t many customers at the moment, as the shop had only just opened for the morning, and although I had a lot of items, I felt it was too early for any human interaction, so I went on over to the self checkout. I was a little over the budget I had set for myself this week, but I pushed that thought I aside. 

I packed up my groceries, nodded at the staff as I exited, and went on my way. As I walked, I started to get excited about making the cake. It was chocolate flavoured, and I’m pretty sure they all like that flavour, I mean, who doesn’t like chocolate? Actually... I can think of a few people. 

I entered my house, and put away all of my purchases, apart from the stuff I needed for the cake. The instructions say that is literally 2 steps to make this. And water, then put it in the oven to bake. Then you can do whatever you want with it, decorate it, eat it plain, go crazy. 

I haven’t baked sweet stuff in a while, but I had all the necessary equipment and even some professional stuff for it. My mother was a cake baker, who made the best cakes. I miss the taste of them, but I’ll try to recreate it to the best of my ability, artificially. Hey, if you can’t afford to actually make a cake, store bought is fine too. 

An hour later, I brought the cake out from the oven. “Well, it smells edible.” I spoke quietly to myself, while I poke it a bit. I took a few crumbling parts at the bottom, and put them into my mouth. “That’s actually not too bad.” I got the buttercream icing I had additionally bought, and spread it on the cake, using a piping bag to add aesthetic with the extra icing. 

I looked at my finished product, and grinned. It looked good. Thank the stars. 

I then moved it into a container, and into the fridge, ready for when I’m going to take it with me to Felix’s. I yawned. Even though it was only around 3pm, I was tired, and decided to go to bed. 

The next day, my alarm that I was sure I had turned off before woke me up, and the loud obnoxious beeping distracted my brain for at least 30 seconds, until it properly woke up, and the depression sank in again. 

You know that feeling where you feel so completely worthless and unproductive, and you really want to do something about it, but you have neither the energy nor the actual willpower to do it? Yeah, that’s a thing that fucking sucks. I did absolutely nothing productive the whole day, just trying to ignore/sleep away my problems. 

Although I was occasionally texting the guys and Marzia throughout the day, I didn’t really reply much, but it did make me feel a bit better, knowing that they’re even thinking about me. 

And finally, when the tomorrow finally came, I grabbed my stuff, and got the cake in the holder out of the fridge. I put it into another bag, and then went off to meet Felix. 

It seems I got there a bit early, because he hadn’t arrived yet. I looked around for his car, hoping that he wouldn’t be too long. I didn’t want to rush him, but as time went on, I started to get very nervous. Instead of standing around like an idiot though, I went and sat on a bench. I took out my phone to make it look like I was doing something, even though I had no games or social media on it. 

About 10 minutes passed, and I assumed Felix was running late. I looked around once more, and saw a guy a little bit away from where I was, staring at me, but he turned away once I saw him looking. A shivered a bit, how long had he been staring? But I tried not to think about it too much. I do that too much. 

I jumped a bit when someone sat down next me, and saw it was the guy from before. He was wearing blue denim jeans, a black top, and reeked of BO. I moved away a little, hoping I hadn’t caught his attention, buy I failed. “Hey, I don’t bite missy.” He winked at me. I cringed, but didn’t say anything, I just continued to look for Felix. “I noticed you’ve been coming here almost everyday to meet some guy, but he ain’t here yet, huh?” My breath caught and he moved closer to me. Has he been watching me!? “Ya know missy, you deserve better then some guy who won’t even show up on time. Now me, I’ll always be there for you, no matter when.” He grinned, moving closer to me, and put his arm around my shoulders. I tried to wriggle out of them, but he tightened his hold. I looked around desperately for anybody to help me. But everyone who was there were either too far away, or children. I had sat at a bench moderately far away from the rest of the public, as to not draw too much attention to myself. Seems like that plan failed though. 

“Please let go of me...” I squeaked out almost silently. 

“Oh, so the girl can talk. I was beginning to think that you couldn’t, or maybe you were trying to ignore me, but that’s not true, is it?” he put his hand on my leg, and squeezed. I paled, and my breathing quickened. He mistook my panic for excitement and started to rub my thigh, occasionally massaging it higher. “Yeah, you like that, huh missy?” I was so scared I couldn’t make a sound. I started hyperventilating, and tears started to leak from my eyes. And then everything was blurry, and sound was strange. I felt myself be picked up, and held on to my only link to reality. 

I was moving, but then there was shaking and yelling, and I passed out. 

When I came too, I was laying on a couch, and Felix, Marzia, Jack and Mark were talking around me. They all looked at me when I sat up though. “I’m so sorry. Are you ok?” Felix asked me worriedly. I nodded confused. 

“Where... Where am I?” The layout was completely different to Felix’s house. “And, what happened?” 

“Felix and Marzia both slept in this morning, and when I went to go ask Felix when he was supposed to be picking you up, he checked the time and completely freaked. He was already late, but he wasn’t dressed or had eaten and was still really tired, so I volunteered to come get you.” Jack explained. “He quickly told me where to meet you, but when I got there, you were having a panic attack, and some guy was taking you away somewhere.” His voice started to get angry. “I yelled at the guy ‘What the Fuck are you doing’?’ and his dumbass excuse was that ‘I’m her boyfriend, she just started to panic all of a sudden, don’t worry, it happens sometimes. I’m going to take her home now.’ Fucking liar. With a little fight, I grabbed you from him, and took you back to my car, all the while he was screaming insults and trying to grab you back.” He then remembered something. “The whole time you were holding onto this bag, I don’t know if you want it or not?” I nodded. “As we were driving, I called up Felix and explained what had happened. The closest house happened to be mine, so we all met up here.” 

“Thank you...” I started to tear up again. “I-I... He was... He...” Jack sat next to me, and held me close, letting me cry into his shoulder. The other three joined in on the hug too, saying comforting things, and soothing me. Once I calmed back down again, I asked for the bag. I opened it up, and checked the cake. Apart from it being a bit squished, it surprisingly held together quite well. 

The others looked at it curiously. Finally, Mark spoke up. “Hey Y/N, what’s with the cake?” 

“I wanted to say thank you for everything you guys have done for me, I guess now more then ever, haha...” I laughed somewhat awkwardly. 

“You didn’t have to do that. Just you being our friend is thanks enough.” Marzia said sweetly. 

“I’ll get some plates and dessert forks for us.” Jack went off into the kitchen to retrieve said items. 

When he came back, he cut 5 pieces for each of us, and I waited in baited breath as everyone took a bite. There eyes widened, and they grinned at me. “Holy shit! This is great!” Felix praised. I smiled and took a bite out of mine. ‘Woah, this actually isn’t that bad.’

We all enjoyed the cake, chatting amiably until Mark asked me a question. “Hey so Y/N, where abouts do you live? Felix says he always meets and drops you at the park.” For fucks sake, this seems way too planned. I looked at the four of them, they all looked innocent enough, but Jack and Felix’s looks were calculated and curious. I squinted a bit at them. They changed their expressions to not suspicious. It was them! What is with them wanting to know!? 

I looked back at Mark. “I live near the park. Why, you wanna stalk me?” I replied jokingly. Mark looked at me strangely. 

“No? I was just curious. We all kind of assumed you lived near the park, but not where you actually live.” Mark replied a bit confused. 

“I’ve asked before, but you never gave me a straight answer.” Felix spoke up. I couldn’t trust my voice to speak, so I kept my mouth shut. 

“We’re all worried, because you never talk about home, and always dodge the subject whenever it comes up. Don’t think we didn’t notice.” Jack put his hand on my shoulder. I unintentionally flinched a bit.

“We just want to make sure you’re ok. We’re your friends, we want to help you! You just have to let us.” Marzia’s calming voice rang out. 

‘I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to burden them. They don’t deserve it.’ I thought angrily to myself. Jack’s grip on my shoulder tightened a bit, shocking me out of my stupor. “You wouldn’t burden us. We want to help shoulder your problems.” He said softly. Apparently, I had said my thoughts out loud. 

“It’s just... I don’t know... You’re all really great, I don’t want you to think of me any differently. I’m sorry.” I looked down. 

“We would never think of you differently, you’re our friend, and we care deeply about you.” Mark said quietly. “Please...” 

I looked around at their worried faces, and chuckled sadly. “I... I can’t find it in myself to speak about it. It’s not that I don’t trust you guys, I just can’t. I want to tell you, but it’s just difficult.” I turned towards the floor. It was silent for a bit, but an understanding silence. 

“In any case, we’ll be ready to hear you out when you feel comfortable.” Felix spoke softly in a comforting voice. I gave a lopsided smile back to him. 

“Erm... did you guys wanna play some games?” I asked apprehensively, trying to break the tension. It seemed it worked, as everyone agreed, and Jack got up the Jack Box Party pack for us to play. We all had loads of fun, and ended up finishing the day on a high note. 

When it came for me to go, Jack pulled me to the side quickly. “Hey, what do you want to do about your cake? Did you wanna take it back with ya, or should I give it to Felix?” 

“You can keep it, do whatever. It’s not my cake, I made it for you guys. You could split it if you want, and share it out with Fe, Marzia and Mark?” I suggested. 

“Yeah ok, I guess I’ll do that then. You sure don’t want any?” Jack asked as he went to go cut the cake in the kitchen. I shook my head no, and he went off. 

Felix, Marzia, Mark and I all piled into the car, Mark and I in the back, when Jack came outside and passed the cake bags around. We all waved goodbye as Felix pulled out from Jack’s driveway and dropped back off at the park. “Hey... get home safe, OK Y/N?” Fe called out to me when I started walking home. I just looked back and shot a reassuring smile towards him. 

Maybe I can tell them soon.


End file.
